How will I know?

Love, life or whatever we’re dealing with atm - all come with a side of uncertainty

So I have this endearing – or annoying, depending on who you’re asking – habit of bursting into song whenever someone says a few words that sound a lot like lyrics. This week’s essay title, How Will I Know? is conveniently the title of one of my favourite songs by Whitney Houston and the catchy chorus goes like this:

How will I know if he really loves me?

I say a prayer with every heartbeat

I fall in love whenever we meet

I'm asking you what you know about these things

How will I know if he's thinking of me?

I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)

Falling in love is so bittersweet

This love is strong, why do I feel weak?

Such a great song. Sadly, my association with it has been slightly marred because despite it being around since the 80s, the first time I recall hearing it was a few years ago in a West London café the morning after an ill-advised sleepover with one of my male best friends. And when I say sleepover, I mean it in the same way you might read in the Bible that so and so knew so and so. (Yes, I’m talking about sex.)

When we first met there was definitely a strong attachment but then we slipped happily into the friend zone for a few years and neither one of us had any interest in changing our relationship status. The aforementioned night was after I had been unceremoniously dumped by someone I had been on a few dates (no sleepovers) with and basically, my pride had been bruised and I needed an ego boost. See, I told you: ill-advised.

In hindsight, I’m lucky it was my male BFF and not a random person but it definitely felt awkward the next morning and as we sat in our favourite brunch spot for an unusually quiet breakfast, this song reminded me that the “love” I had been looking for was still on the elusive and no amount of friends-with-benefits was going to change that.

Of course the How Will I Know? question is pertinent not just for romantic relationships but for other areas in our lives. Last week I asked, What Are You Waiting For? and my focus was on career goals. But in exploring that, and as someone who calls themselves a Christian, this new question is equally important.

Jesus’ words in Luke 11:9 appear to be pretty clear: So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

But then later in the book of Galatians, the apostle and follower of Jesus, Paul, says:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (chapter 6 verse 9)

Confusing, much? The former appears to give a guaranteed genie in a bottle outcome (you can read my thoughts on this here: ‘God is Not a Blue-hued Genie in a Bottle’) for those who take up the mantle of Christ to follow Him and His teachings. However, anyone who has ever tried to: get a toddler dressed in the morning/win a stuffed toy on those arcade games with claws/get a drink at a busy bar knows that trying again is sometimes (often?) the only way to get you closer to what you want – even if the “door” doesn’t open straight away.

Apparently, Beethoven, Michael Jordan and Elvis Presley were all told early on to quit while they were ahead, but they persisted and the reason their names are so recognisable today is because of that endurance. But how will we know? How will we know when to keep trying and pushing that door and when to recognise it as God putting a big fat lock on it for our own good?

…

I know you’re waiting for me to give you the answer and I have to apologise because I don’t have one. Instead, I want to throw in a little something to try and that’s to allow a little uncertainty when it comes to the things of God. Wait! Stay with me! I’m not saying that God doesn’t deliver on His promises but let’s not pretend we always know what that looks like. We have to trust God, not our thoughts about what God has for us. I’ve heard pastors say it as: trust the giver not the gift. I don’t quite stand by that absolute statement but the sentiment is there. I – and perhaps you – have experienced believing wholeheartedly and with absolute certainty that something was going to happen. God was in it and we could see it!

I had this in the hospital when I prayed my baby wouldn’t die. I’ve had this when I fasted and prayed for a month that my husband wouldn’t divorce me. I’ve had it with jobs when I felt sure I would be offered my dream role. Again and again I’ve faced that crushing disappointment when what was hoped for didn’t materialise and have been left feeling confused and sometimes angry at God. (Baby died, husband filed for divorce, didn’t get the job.)

I don’t like uncertainty, I’m not sure anyone does really, but I think when it comes to God we just have to be open to the fact that we don’t know best, He does. And there are many reasons why things might not be going according to plan. When God told Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, he tried and tried again and Pharaoh kept saying no. Imagine if Moses had just stopped. ‘Lord, this door just isn’t opening so I’m done!’ We know the end to that story but at the time, he did not.

If you’re facing one of these situations today and you’re asking yourself how to move forward, know that today could be the day! Try and stay in the position of hope while allowing for a little uncertainty. I know, oxymoron right? But when I (often) find myself bemused at a situation, I remind myself of this little verse in Proverbs:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding;

 In all your ways, acknowledge Him,

and He will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJ)

Tola x

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Tola Doll Fisher is a writer and creative director focusing on faith, lifestyle, wellbeing and relationships. Her debut non-fiction book, 'Still Standing:100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life' (SPCK) is out now