‘God is not a blue-hued genie in a bottle'
Separating prayer from manifestation culture
I didn’t watch the Euro 2020 Finals on Sunday, but from the silence that descended upon surrounding streets, I knew that England had lost. Despite being part of the group that helped usher in the new (current) Wembley Stadium, I am not the slightest bit interested in football. Like, at all. But I imagine there were lots of prayers for the England team this weekend. Prayers that asked for the first win since 1966, prayers for a winning performance that would help boost morale for the country and its long-suffering inhabitants. And yet, England lost.
I follow an account on Instagram which has been focused on updates about someone called Hannah who has been in a coma for the last six months. Her sister Abbie has been posting about her progress on this account and prayer has been pouring in from all over the place. At first, people were sharing on their feeds and IG stories and attending Zoom prayer sessions. We were praying for Hannah to open her eyes, to move, to respond to her family - including her new husband - as they attempted to communicate with her. It was a movement of solidarity and it was incredibly touching to see. But as time went on, and Hannah was reported to be making only small movements back to health, I saw less shared posts and engagement. A post today shared that Hannah still hasn’t opened her eyes and is not yet back to the full health we have been praying for.
A few weeks ago, when I found out I was going to have chemotherapy, one of the things I specifically prayed about was my hair. I’ve had quite a journey with it over the years, having experienced stress-related bald patches when I was getting married to somehow developing a fungal infection a few years ago. Recently I’d dyed my now full and healthy hair ginger, and I loved it! So even though I’ve shaved my hair off before, I was reluctant to do so this time around and start my hair journey over again. “Please pray that I won’t lose my hair”, was what I asked praying family and friends. Last week, I ran my fingers absentmindedly through my hair and a chunk came off in my hand.
It’s a funny thing, prayer.
A Bible verse in Matthew 7:7 says “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. A verse in Mark 11:24 says, “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” A verse in Psalm 102:17 says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.”
When it comes to spiritual stuff like this, some people think they have all the answers. There are those who will say things like, “Well if your prayer isn’t in God’s will then of course He won’t answer the way you want Him to.” And I think, really? So is it God’s will for Hannah to stay sick? Is it frivolous to want a hard-working team to win a game of football? Is it fair for me to lose my hair? If I’m being honest, I’m not comfortable with what seems like a discrepancy. I imagine there were prayers for the Italian team on the weekend and they would be thanking God for their win, just as I imagine there are many whose prayers for sick loved ones have seemingly been answered by a return to full health. And I know that there are people who have gone through the toxic horror that is chemotherapy, and have not lost their crown.
I wish I had all the answers about prayer; I don’t. But I’m currently trying to understand that we just have to get comfortable with not knowing all the answers; about us, about why, about everything. As a believer, I have had to stand strong on the knowledge that God, our creator, is good, and doesn’t wish us to be ill or sad or struggling. But I cannot let this fact be swung out of balance when sh*t stuff happens. Our creator is good even when bad stuff is happening right in front of us, or even when it’s happening to us. I have to trust He knows best and has my best interests at heart either way.
Prayer isn’t a tool to get what we want. When I pray, I’m learning to pray with hope and then give up the right to demand a specific outcome. I’m learning to separate prayer from manifestation culture. God isn’t a blue-hued genie granting infinite wishes. In my experience, we can pray, ask, knock, seek, expect - and then leave it there. If it's a short-term thing like a football game or my hair loss; I think we should allow ourselves to grieve… and then re-group. For long-term situations like Hannah’s, I say keep praying and keep hoping. The outcome might be out of our hands and we might get weary, but the hope will keep us going until we get there - whatever that looks like.
Doll x
PS. You can purchase the limited edition Still Standing bangle in this image along with the book, from Florence London
PPS. There are many people posting worthy messaging about the abuse faced by Black football players and women when England loses a match, and the recent abuse has been heavily documented. If you’re so minded, please pray for (and support) those affected and make a conscious effort not to be a part of the problem.