‘You deserve better’
Sometimes we have to push past our immediate want to get what we need
These three words have remained in my head since they flashed up on my phone eight hours ago. ‘You deserve better’ was the message from a friend after I asked their opinion on something I was considering buying. The thing in question was cheap, which was the main reason I was considering it, and I didn’t actually like it but I needed one so it seemed a good option. But while it is not a bad thing to save money on a purchase, what didn’t make sense, and what was so clear to my friend, is that it wasn’t what I deserved.
I realise even as I write that this may seem a pointless chasing of ever elusive dreams. When it comes to what the Bible refers to as the secret petitions of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), it might even seem selfish to want them. Growing up in church I definitely felt the pressure of a “settle mentality”, which translated as a warning never to expect too much because you would inevitably be disappointed. Biblically, I think it pertained to the calls for humility and to not seek to exalt yourself above others (Matthew 23:12 and Proverbs 25:6) and this makes sense…to a certain extent. But for me personally, it doesn’t fit in with my life motto, straight from the Bible obvs, which is John 10:10: ‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’
For too long we’ve understood the word “deserved” to be a selfish request pertinent to toddlers and spoiled adults. I’ve heard people say that none of us deserve anything, and that we should just be happy with what we have. But is that true? What if what we have is not our best for ourselves, or more importantly not God’s best for us. And I’m not necessarily talking about material things either. As a single woman navigating the dating space I’ve often had long conversations with similarly placed friends of both genders about ‘lowering standards’ and ‘settling’. Always said with a sad smile, caught between what we desire and what we think is possible. While this is not necessarily a negative thing, I think we can too easily mute our potential in our haste to find something now.
Because the thing we have to do to get what we deserve, the thing no one ever wants to do, is to wait. It’s often much easier to take what’s right in front of us but this is often at the expense of what might be a long held dream. There is a list of things I’m personally waiting for at the moment and sometimes it feels like it would be a relief to give up the wait; for my dalmatian, for my next book contract, for intimacy…. But what a misstep that would be if it was only to satisfy my immediate urgent need for any of the above, or anything else I might feel is lacking in my life.
I’m encouraged by the reminder that God wants us to have the desires of our hearts and live a full, abundant life. And even if that looks a little different to what we expect, we should know that it will be what we absolutely deserve. And really, what could be better than that?
‘Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.’ (Habakkuk 2:3b)
Doll x
Photo: Shot by Ross for Cheltenham Wellbeing Festival at 131, The House, Cheltenham. (Dress: Ted Baker, Boots, Keith Scarrott)
A bit about me...my full name is Tola-Doll Fisher (known to my friends as "Doll"). I’m head of brand for Premier’s Woman Alive magazine, a writer and model. In 2020, my first book Still Standing - 100 Lessons From An Unsuccessful Life was published by SPCK.
I want to inspire women (and men, but particularly women) through accessible faith and focus on finding joy despite not winning at life or being a "girl boss". Amongst other things, I am most proud of skiing in a bikini at the end of my ski season and being able to do dancer's pose in 5-inch heels. More from me...