‘There’s something better than a “Happy New Year”...’

We can’t write off every year that fails to live up to our expectations

I’ve yet to meet someone who says they want an upcoming year to be anything less than a step up from the preceding one. Our greetings to each other speak of positive upgrades for the lives we currently have. I’m sure there are many who are actually quite happy with their current lot but it is my experience that most of us are calling out, ‘More, more more!’ Because surely, life should always be better and when other than a brand new spotless year to herald its arrival?

In my January editorial of the magazine I edit, I wrote about my experience at a church in Singapore, where I found myself one NYE when my now ex-husband and I were separated. I was really stressed out about the relationship ending; so much so that I at one point actually hid our marriage certificate, knowing that he couldn’t file for divorce without it. At this watchnight service, everyone around me was celebrating, laughing and singing while I looked on, alone and depressed. I wanted to be upbeat and positive, I wanted to laugh with these kind strangers who smiled brightly over at me as they danced together. If Christmas is tough for those without family, New Year’s Eve is tough for those who cannot see past a bleak horizon. I couldn’t be excited about a brand new season that came with the new year, because I knew for me, it was only going to get worse.

So imagine my surprise when the speaker came on and talked about how good it was to celebrate the exciting potential of a new year. He spoke of the opportunities that would delight many of us and give us even more reason to celebrate. But he also said that the following year would almost certainly come with trouble and that some of us would also find ourselves lamenting at the turn of events. He reminded us that sadness, pain, and other struggles are part and parcel of the world we live in and that the way we can survive is to hold on to God, who is with us through thick and thin; a more solid life partner than our fellow human counterparts. This was a breath of fresh air for me, knowing what I was about to have to walk through. And it might also be for you, going through a separation or divorce, an illness, the wake of a recent death or any other inward or outward struggle. And somehow, not putting pressure on that next year gave me a kind of relief. I wasn’t expecting it to be the sum of my dreams, nor did I expect it to take away the pain of the former one. 

A couple of years ago, I met someone who was very surprised when he found out how old I was. He said he thought I was easily a decade younger, but not for the reasons you might think. When I asked him why, he didn’t mention, as others had, my almost wrinkle-free skin or ability to easily conversate with the teenagers we were surrounded by. His exact words were that I seemed, “full of joy”. And I loved that! I’ve never heard anyone put it that way before. He said sometimes life’s experiences can cause that inner light to go out in your eyes. Consistent disappointment, hurt and trauma can quietly denigrate a youthful existence and age us prematurely. But I realised for me, the light in my eyes still burns brightly not because I have not been hurt or traumatised nor is it because my life has been relatively happy. It is there because there is a quiet determination to remain hopeful. As I reflected, this New Year’s Eve, on the years that now seem to have sped by, I was reminded of all the hurts and disappointments I have experienced. The rejections and heartache from friends, partners and family. Many seem unfair and unwarranted but in everything there has been a glimmer of hope that just refuses to die. And in my experience, hope is very closely related to joy. 

Another friend I met recently at an event at which I was modelling (a fun shoot which included me sliding down the bannisters of a long winding staircase), seemed surprised that I was doing so so soon after my recent cancer experience. ‘I don’t like being sad’, I told him. I have cried many many times over the years; I even cried earlier today. Life gives us many opportunities to do so. But you know when you blow out the candles on a birthday cake and one just refuses to go out? That’s the kind of tenacity that is the ability to hope. And it doesn’t mean that you expect the worst and therefore somehow “protect yourself” from the negative. And it doesn’t mean that you pretend bad things aren’t happening. One of my mentors taught me an acronym for the word Hope: Hold On Pain Ends, and that’s stayed with me ever since. A tiny, barely visible flicker of a flame is all the hope you need, that we all need, to see ourselves over the threshold and into this - or any - new year. I doubt any one set of 365 days will be all good or all bad. Most likely it will be a mix of things and it’s our decision as to how we face them that will determine how we weather the journey. 

A happy new year is what we would all wish for, but a hopeful one will keep that light aflame.

Doll x