'The women in my life have made me who I am'

I wasn’t really a “girls’ girl” growing up but I’m now truly embracing the Sisterhood

I went to a girls’ school from the ages of 13 to 18, read Chalet Girls, Sweet Valley High and all of the other childhood novels that dominated the world of teenage girls when I was one. I knew all about the importance of BFFs, its permanence engraved in the ‘Best Friends Forever’ split heart necklaces in Claire’s Accessories and yet I still didn’t see myself as being part of The Sisterhood.

Those who have met me later in life might not believe that I was quite shy as a child. Despite my love for author Judy Blume’s depictions of “bosom buddies”, I found women intimidating and had a few “Mean Girl” experiences which made me think maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a girl with lots of girl friends. One of them was when I was about 11. On Saturdays I went to Stagecoach, a performing arts school where we learned drama, singing and dance. I loved it because I enjoyed the energy of movement and performance, even though the idea of getting up in front of everyone constantly filled me with nerves. I was a shy gangly girl with big eyes, often unruly braids and long legs. I hadn’t quite fit into my body and most of the time, I felt pretty awkward. One day we were waiting around for class to start and the popular girls were sitting in a closed circle discussing Very Important Things in loudly hushed voices while the rest of us tried to lean in to be a part of it. One girl looked at me and said, ‘You really look like [the singer/actress] Brandy!’ My ears perked up, first to be seen by one of the elite and secondly to be mentioned in such close proximity to one of my favourite performers at that time. But my joy was quickly squashed. The self-appointed leader of the group threw her long blonde hair over her shoulders, looked directly at me and said, ‘Yeah but Brandy is pretty.’

That I still remember this exchange is indicative of how deeply her words wounded childhood me. Years afterwards, though I have had my “beauty” affirmed in modelling and other roles, I can still remember how hurt I was and it was a few years before I felt I could trust and feel the solidarity of a group of girls again. I met my first “Girl gang” at church. There was only one boy in the youth group so the rest of us spent a lot of time together while he made excuses not to be involved in the female-focused activities. I grew up with these girls and we loved each other into adulthood as we became women. Together we shared driving lessons, shopping trips, university, relationship break ups, holidays and now, for some of us, marriage, divorce and children. These are people who I shared beds with and would have thought nothing of calling at an ungodly hour to rescue me from a bad date. 

In my early 20s, I seemed to collect friends in a way I had never imagined in my early teens. I made university friends, work friends, friends at parties and friends of friends who became closer to me than the original mutual contact. And all of them were women. Not to say that I didn’t make any male friends, but there was something about other women that I was drawn to and friendships with other women have often felt like a safe space for my deeply sensitive soul. When I moved into the world of tech a few years ago, my friendship group became male dominated and while I loved it, it was (largely) a very different relationship group; full of banter and light one upmanship rather than giggles and DMCs (Deep and Meaningful Conversations). This might sound as though I’m stereotyping genders and perhaps I am, but my experience is that the women in my life have always brought so much more out of me than the men. 

I lead a women’s brand for work and my team is creative, capable and female. It has been years since my experience with someone who made me feel as though girls could never be my allies but on International Women’s Day, I want to celebrate all the women who have shown me the true meaning of Sisterhood and the absolute joy these relationships have brought to my life.

Thank You!

Doll x