‘Stop being so nice all the time!’

Being too agreeable really isn’t doing you any favours

Growing up, etiquette was a big deal in my household. Not only do I descend from a nation that is big on respecting its elders and those in authority – Nigeria – but I was brought up in an environment that encouraged people-pleasing as a way to get ahead in life. Mum was a strong disciplinarian so it worked in my favour to do as I was told and Dad worked in parts of the world where an understanding of local customs was so key to business relations, that it could mean the difference between winning and losing an account.

So, in theory, this all sounds quite positive, but what does it look like in reality when your mind-set is that keeping other people happy and making sure they are at ease, is more important than whatever your needs are at the time?

If someone invites me to an event, my default is to check my already pretty full calendar, to see if there is a gap. If there is, I say “Yes”, straight away without considering if I even want to go. But I know how it is; organising things can be quite stressful and I don’t want to add to anyone’s stress. I want to be nice. Or, at least to be perceived as such. I wonder: if I say no, will they hate me?