‘Start as you mean to go on’

My weekly hiking is teaching me something new about resilience

I’m writing this less than an hour before it is due to be published; not because of my usual procrastination, but because I simply forgot. This beautiful long Easter weekend was full of life, love and laughter and I hadn’t taken into account the fact that this 4-day week meant that I would have to write this on one of my days off. I debated missing this week because while they’re currently free to read, there’s no actual legal obligation. But I’m sitting at my desk with a slightly fuzzy head from lack of sleep (I only realised my mix up at about 1am), listening to the birds loudly proclaiming their much more intentional start to the day; because I said I would do this weekly newsletter. And I meant it.

Last week I wrote about the new divorce law in the UK and how I was conflicted about it. The new law makes it easier for people to dissolve their marriages. Many of you responded with your own thoughts on the matter and generally, there was a mix of hope and sadness both from those who knew the suffering of a troubled marriage and those who just really wanted the true sanctity of marriage to be upheld. Despite being divorced, I talk about how I still really believe in marriage and I wish there was no need for a “quick” divorce. I wish humans wouldn’t behave like trash and that we would treat each other with the love and care with which Christ loves and cares for us. 

But there’s another area of marriage/relationship law which has confused me whenever I’ve come across it and that’s prenuptial agreements. Known as a prenup, this is described by Co-op legal services as: A written agreement a couple can make before getting married or entering a civil partnership. It usually covers how finances will be divided if they separate in the future. A dictionary definition puts it more succinctly: An agreement made between two people before marrying that establishes rights to property and support in the event of divorce or death.

On paper, like with most things, this makes sense. I’ve read of cases where one or both parties has significant wealth and/or previous dependents that they want to protect in case things go sour and the relationship ends. The dictionary definition includes the agreement being necessary in the event of the death of one of the partners but I assume a will would cover that and I’ve only ever heard it in reference to potential divorce. (If any family lawyers read this, please correct me if I’m wrong!) So this makes me sad. And you might argue that because I don’t have a large amount of wealth or children, that I’m not in a position to fully understand the feeling of wanting to protect something that is yours. And I agree; I’m not. But again, it saddens me to think that we can go into something almost preparing for it to go wrong.  Do we put as much onus on marriage preparation to help it to go right? I don’t know.

When I first moved back to the Cotswolds following cancer treatment in London, I went back to doing yoga; a practice I have loved for several years and which makes me feel strong and supple. But in order to take advantage of the beautiful countryside I now reside in, I recently took up weekly hiking and now spend about 2-3 hours a week walking hillside among walkers, runners and plenty of dogs. I walked  a lot in London; trudging across town on hard concrete pavements, weaving between cars, buses and cyclists to get past dawdling tourists seemingly amazed at every.single.thing they came across. Walking in London was mission-focused; I was always trying to get somewhere, to do something. Hiking is different. There is a destination - the top - but there are so many routes to get there and time is not as important as enjoying the journey. Hiking has given me a new freedom. I don’t have to go, but I choose to, and I prepare for it accordingly. I know I’ll need water and snacks and these days we pack sunglasses and hats too. There’s almost as much fun in the prep as there is the actual walking and my relationship with the hills is changing too. My feet now know how to grip the rocky and sometimes slippery ground beneath me. I instinctively lean forward into the steep incline as we climb higher. We stop talking when it gets harder and are accompanied by the simple sound of our breath. 

Last week we got lost and ended up adding an hour onto our usual hike time. I won’t lie; I was tired. But I was prepared for this journey, this hike, whatever it looked like. My legs started to protest but my head reminded me: you are here because you wanted to be here, this is your choice; keep going. And so we did, not only because we had to, in order to find a way out, but with joy because I was reminded of my intention. I was not coerced, I had decided. And if that was the only reason I had at that point to continue, it was enough for me.

And that’s how it is with this newsletter. I may not always feel like doing it, and it may not always feel like my best work. But I do it because I said I would and that’s resilience for me.

Doll x

A bit about me. I’m head of brand for Woman Alive and my first book Still Standing - 100 Lessons From An Unsuccessful Life was published in the middle of the Pandemic (not on purpose).

I want to inspire women (and men, but particularly women) through accessible faith and focus on finding joy despite not winning at life or being a "girl boss". Among other things, I am most proud of skiing in a bikini at the end of my ski season and being able to do dancer's pose in 5-inch heels. More from me…