‘Let's be honest, Christians are the real "undateables"’
The lives of modern-day Jesus followers might look pretty strange to the rest of society, but who wants to be normal anyway?
I need to start this with a disclaimer: I've never actually watched the Channel 4 show The Undateables and I'm not sure how I feel about what the name implies. However I do appreciate the way it explores society's attitudes towards people who are "different". And as a Christian living in the UK, there’s definitely a feeling of being somewhat “other” amidst a general consensus that we are just plain weird. So I’ve used the same title here with only a very loose connection. (And to be clear, at this point I’m in no way defending our position as weirdos.)
I’ll kick this off with what we all know about Christians: We don’t know how to have fun, we deliberately spend a few hours each week listening to someone telling us about a God many think doesn’t actually exist and… (I deliberately left this til last although to be honest, it’s the first thing we immediately go to) WE DON’T HAVE SEX. At least not until we’re married. Although according to this article, ‘Research suggests that the number of unmarried Christians under the age of 35 who are having sex, has risen from 20% in 2008 to nearly 60% in 2021.’ So while many of us are still waiting to showcase the blindingly expensive Agent Provocateur set we bought on a whim, with the labels gradually yellowing as the years speed by without any sight of our Christian Prince Charming, as a whole we’re not as chaste as you might think. In any case, as I soon learned when I expressed my desire to wait (ironically while chatting to the men I was s_xually attracted to), most people want to “try before they buy” so to go against the grain in this way makes us stand out as very odd indeed.
The other day I was reading my Bible and I came across this passage: ‘Meanwhile, Peter travelled from place to place, and he came down to visit the believers in the town of Lydda. There he met a man named Aeneas, who had been bedridden for eight years. Peter said to him, “Aeneas, Jesus Christ heals you! Get up, and roll up your sleeping mat!” And he was healed instantly. Then the whole population of Lydda and Sharon saw Aeneas walking around, and they turned to the Lord.’ (Acts 9:32-35)
And as I finished reading I smiled and said out loud, ‘Ah, that’s nice!’ and closed the Bible, my daily reading done for the day. Such a good Christian! But then I suddenly thought, hold on. How is that my reaction to the kind of healing power that no amount of private healthcare could deliver today?
I grew up in church and decided to get baptised when I was 16 so I’ve read lots of these stories in the Bible. And it’s not that I don’t believe them, it’s more that I’ve just come to expect them. Someone was blind, now they can see? Feeding thousands of people with one person’s lunch? Sure, that’s the kind of stuff you should expect when you hang around with Jesus. In Woman Alive, the magazine I edit, we print testimonies from people with pretty incredible miracle stories and a friend once told me a personal one of her leg growing back literally right in front of her. As she told me, I responded with all the right sounds of amazement while I typed it up. When we got off the call, I tutted at myself realising I’d typed too fast and most of it was incoherent. I then spent five minutes tidying it up, filed the copy and forgot about it. So far so normal in the world of being a Christian in the 21st century. But of course that is NOT normal. And it’s time we were open about that.
I remember the first time I saw people in church holding their hands up like they were at a live concert cheering on the band. I had come from a pretty structured church where services consisted of three hymns, a two/three hour sermon and then an hour of hardcore Bible teaching followed by tea and biscuits. So I was confused by the people at the front of the church who seemed to be highly under the influence. Some were falling over, some were dancing freely, some were crying. I cringed as I noticed one woman’s weave had flopped to the side, exposing rows of braided tracks underneath. I tried to catch her eye so I could tell her and save her from embarrassment. Her face was wet with tears as she knelt down by her seat and I realised, she really didn’t care.
I had my own personal experience of the presence of God while I was at university and this is something I talk about in my book (lesson 52). I was praying and the sense of God I had was overwhelming. People experience God in different ways because true Christianity is not expressed using a formula, it’s a relationship that is built up from seeking God out for yourself. My personal sense of God usually involves singing worship songs and free flowing tears. I often don’t even know why I’m crying (lol), but just like the woman who lost her weave, it’s not something I can - or care to - control. The constant is that I feel an accompanying sense of peace and often when I’m singing, inexplicable joy.
I remember years ago, waking up one morning with a worship song in my head. My then husband was lying next to me, stirring lightly in response to the alarm clock. For some reason, I started singing the song out loud. At first I kept it very low, just under my breath but I couldn’t keep the song caged and I ended up getting louder and louder. At some point I noticed that my non-believing companion had gone completely still, probably wondering why he’d bothered with an alarm clock when his wife was doing a pretty good job of rescuing him from deep sleep. Sitting up in bed, I looked down at him feeling slightly awkward, but he was smiling. ‘Carry on’ he said, ‘it’s nice’. And so I did.
That’s weird right? Trust me I know. But also, I don’t care! And ok, I admit I’ve not always held fast to my preference to wait when it comes to s_xy time but ultimately, the delightful and expensive scraps of lace sitting in the corner of my bedroom are only going to get unwrapped by my (next, haha) husband. And if you find yourself next to me in church - or in bed - you might have to put up with me singing loudly or potentially even crying. And I’m fine with being an outlier in that respect. It might make me (or us, if you are on board with some of this stuff) “undateable”, but I truly believe there is someone out there who is just waiting for a weirdo like you. Wait for them.
Doll x
The undateables is such a beautiful show as it doesn’t live up to the title as they are so dateable and amazing but the world viewed them not . So perfect for this article