‘I’m not as pretty as other women and I never will be’

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I’m determined to view myself with kindness regardless of how I might appear to others

A strange phenomenon has been happening to me lately and I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m showing off, because I’m not. In the last week, at least once a day a stranger – usually a woman – will come up to me and tell me that I am beautiful.

Personally I think this is because it’s been unseasonably hot and with a tan, my skin glows a rich chocolate brown and that’s all people think about in this weather; getting darker without going red or getting heat rash. I also think that God is showing me His kindness because with my beautiful, hard-won soft curls cruelly taken away from chemotherapy, I was left with a bald egg of a head which I’m now trying to embrace but still find it tricky to delight in.

But I don’t take this lightly, this recent stream of others’ affirmation, however I also don’t lean into this affirmation to determine how I view myself. You see, not too long ago, I was staring in the face of countless rejection from modelling agencies who did not think I had what it took to be represented by them. Rejection is part of the industry so it wasn’t always a surprise, but what was a surprise was to discover that for many agencies, the reason I wasn’t a good “fit” was because no designers really wanted Black models. To see a non-white model on the catwalk or in magazines was extremely rare and therefore a gap which required only one Black model to fill. I met one of my closest friends on the set of Britain’s Next Top Model where we both reached the finals in 2018. We only got pipped to the post at the last minute by the other Black model. All the other finalists were white.