‘I’m finally taking responsibility for my own health’

I’ve stopped thinking it’s my doctor’s job to fix me

Seven years ago, I gave birth to a little girl (we called her Annie and this photo is of our matching ink) who died the same day she was born. Doctors told my then husband and I that it was, ‘just one of those things’ and my ex tried to console me with this in the difficult months that followed. I listened silently to the words with which he hoped to gently placate me. But they didn’t. Because deep down I knew that had I listened to my body, we may not have lost our baby. 

When I was younger, Mum started a weekly science club at home and I was in the top set for biology, chemistry and physics in sixth form but aside from the odd element on the periodic table, nothing much stuck. I mention this to say I have no idea what doctors are taught in medical school over the seven or so years of studying but in my opinion, their encyclopedic acumen should run alongside our own knowledge about our own bodies. How do we do that? I learned - the hard way, for is there any other?? - by paying attention to mine.

As a teenager, I went to my GP to explain that I was having extremely heavy periods. My male GP dismissed my concerns and told me that no woman bleeds more than 2-3 tablespoons each month as part of her period. ‘Yes it may seem like a lot’, he told me, sighing; clearly he had repeated this many times before, ‘but it’s really not’. I was confused but he was the medical professional, right? He was the expert. So I just accepted what he said and carried on bleeding my way through life marvelling at how such a small amount could cause a tsunami every month. 

Years later when I was carrying my baby, my midwife told me the bleeding I was experiencing was normal for some women during pregnancy. It never occurred to me to show her how much I was bleeding and she didn’t ask - nor had my GP. It wasn’t until I had actually been admitted to hospital that I had confirmation of what I suspected; something was very wrong. My colleague and friend used sufficient blackmail* to get me to go to A&E in the middle of the work day where a no-nonsense Irish nurse demanded to see my knickers. She balked at how much I was bleeding and had me rushed up to a ward to see a gynaecologist. 

I remember being held in overnight and feeling like my abdomen was slowly deflating. I tried to explain this to the ward doctor and he reluctantly had a feel of my tummy before pulling away irritably. He concluded that I was fine and could go home later that day. I was at this point, 24 weeks pregnant so technically had a while before my due date, but the nurse’s concern struck a chord with how I was already feeling. I asked if I could stay in hospital another night, just in case. Something didn’t feel right and I was afraid, mostly at that point, of bleeding to death on the Jubilee line. But that night I went into spontaneous labour and gave birth at 3am the next day.

I saw something similar happen on an episode of One Born Every Minute. A woman pregnant with her second or third child came to hospital late in her pregnancy but was told to go home with the advice that she was nowhere near ready to give birth. This not being her first rodeo, the woman refused, and sat in reception when they said she didn’t need a bed. A few hours later her waters broke and she went into labour.  

Reports of understaffed hospitals and budget cuts can be pretty scary if you rely on long term healthcare. And despite their accolades, doctors are, at the end of the day, just human beings like the rest of us. They get tired, they make mistakes and they will miss things. I’m grateful to medical professionals who have helped me but these days, I take everything they say and weigh it up. Do I want this medication? Do I agree with their diagnosis? How do I want to handle this illness? I'm not advising replacing your medical team with Google btw, but definitely do your research. Find out family medical history and how that might affect you. Notice what’s normal for your body and then you’ll be more aware when something out of the ordinary happens.

The bleeding I experienced in pregnancy was lighter than my periods but my period bleeding was excessive, so it was still relatively much heavier than the normal ‘light bleeding’ that is not unusual in early pregnancy. A midwife later told me that, based on my symptoms, I should have been on bed rest from early on because every movement was weakening my uterus. And as she told me this I remembered what I had told the ward doctor: ‘It feels like my baby is falling out.’ I’m honestly not bitter about my birth experience, but it has made me wise to the potential fallout when you don’t pay attention to what is going on inside your own body.

What works for one person may not work for you, so it could be that you need something different from the norm. And something no doctor has ever told me but in my experience makes a huge difference - watch what you’re putting in your mouth! I discovered through my own “research” that when I changed my diet and ate less sugar, red meat and coffee - my periods were significantly lighter and I no longer had painful pre-period swelling in my boobs.

Yes, money can buy you Balenciaga but health is wealth, people. Health is wealth. 

Doll x

*She said if I didn’t go to hospital immediately, she wouldn’t buy my daughter any shoes. What a terrible thought! Thanks Amy ;)