‘I never wanted to be ordinary…’

...but I’m beginning to think we’re unhealthily obsessed with drama

I’ve recently read three articles about how being “ordinary” is underrated. And despite the fact that I’m known to dance on tables and wear outfits that don’t exactly scream wallflower, I agree. 

When I first started at my job heading up Woman Alive, a Christian women’s media brand, I pushed back at the suggestions that I needed to put Hollywood celebrities on the front cover. ‘Big names sell magazines’, is what I was told, and I know that’s true. But it kind of annoyed me at the same time. 

I agreed to a concession; that I would share the incredible stories of women doing inspirational things. I’m proud of the work I’ve done alongside my growing team, but I am starting to now think; what gives me the right to decide whether someone’s life is more special than anyone else’s? It’s an uncomfortable feeling for me, as I look for people to commission for future issues. Am I saying that only those who have experienced something particularly drastic are worthy of headlines? When does sharing these inspirational experiences become sensationalising them?

As I write this, I realise I’ve struggled with this when promoting my book. I wrote Still Standing - 100 Lessons From An “Unsuccessful” Life because I couldn’t find anyone talking about - or offering encouragement on - what I call the middle season of our various journeys. Support at the points at which nothing seemed to be working out (for my good as promised in Romans 8:28) were far from the mouths of motivational speakers telling me that my “success” was just on the other side. On the other side of my divorce and my baby loss. Part of my job in promoting the book was to talk about the incredible things I’d achieved, including my TEDx Talk; which I was proud of, but started to feel uncomfortably boastful the more I talked about it.

I recognise the irony of this, written via a newsletter conceived as part of my brand. But it sometimes weighs heavy on me as I wonder why we seem to worship the off-piste and disregard the everyday. We do this particularly well in the Christian world. When talking about how people became Christians, we can become a bit obsessed with extreme conversions. Eg. ‘I used to dance on tables and now I dance on the pulpit!’ (That’s not mine, by the way.) I’ve got friends who simply grew up in church, accepted Jesus as their Lord and Saviour while there - omitting any teen off-the-rails experience - married their first boyfriend/girlfriend, got a good job, got a house, had children and several pets and have led a pretty happy and ordinary existence.

I won’t lie, I used to roll my eyes at these kinds of stories. ‘What do they know about real life?’ I would mutter under my breath to my fellow recently converted heathens: ‘Life has been so easy for them!’ 

Which is laughable on so many counts, not least of all because how on earth does anyone really know what someone else is going through? But actually, I realised I was just jealous. It’s all very well for people to tell me how incredible I am for being a survivor and dealing with a horrendous cancer diagnosis which took away one of my ovaries. When I think about the things my mind and body have gone through in the last decade, I realise I would very much like the (seemingly) “quiet life”. 

Ever tried living in harmony with a messy partner or working the same job for over a decade? There’s an admirable diligence needed for both and inspiration in everything if we look for it. So while we might feel something akin to an adrenaline rush when we think about the exploits of the people that inspire us, I hope we can also make space to be inspired by those everyday “ordinary” people who are happily getting on with doing “ordinary” things. 

Doll x

A bit about me...my full name is Tola-Doll Fisher (known to my friends as "Doll"). I’m head of brand for Woman Alive, a writer and model. In 2020, my first book Still Standing - 100 Lessons From An Unsuccessful Life was published by SPCK.

I want to inspire women (and men, but particularly women) through accessible faith and focus on finding joy despite not winning at life or being a "girl boss". Among other things, I am most proud of skiing in a bikini at the end of my ski season and being able to do dancer's pose in 5-inch heels. More from me…