'I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly'

Divorced, bereaved and childless sounds pretty depressing right? Here's why I still hold on to hope even when nothing seems to be changing...

Hi everyone! I’ve got quite a few new readers so just wanted to share a bit about who I am! This week’s “newsletter” is the intro to my book, Still Standing - 100 Lessons From An “Unsuccessful” Life…

I was 29, living in a flatshare in London, drunk texting my almost ex-husband to try and get him to sleep with me again. I missed him so much it was painful, but this was a record low. God had let my daughter die and my marriage fall apart so I hadn’t been to church in months. I was barely functioning at work and found myself wondering: how had I gone from having everything, to losing it all?

My plan was to be married with three children by the time I was 24. I loved boys, children and entertaining – the perfect poster girl for a promising future – professional highs alongside housewife success. As it happens, I was engaged at 24, married at 26, bereaved of our child at 28 and divorced by 30. So far, so not according to plan. 

As a perfectionist and a Christian, this felt like failure on an immeasurable scale. In church, where a woman’s “Sunday Best” is having the perfect nuclear family set up, people would often ask if I “had a family”. Apparently, my parents and siblings didn’t count. As a millennial, I’m surrounded by messages which suggest societal expectations for women have changed, but for Christians, the age-old message can often feel the same: get married, have babies, live a great life! But even if you do ‘get there’, is ‘there’ where we find contentment? 

As a journalist, writing has always been therapeutic for me and this book has been borne out of journals from ‘my wilderness years’ - years during which the lessons from my testimony really took place. Divorced and childless, well-meaning friends encouraged me that when I remarried or had another baby things would feel completely different. But God does not want us to wait until we have what we (think we) want to live the amazing life He has for us. There’s a scripture in John 10:10 in which Jesus says, “The thief came to steal and destroy; I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly.” This is a lifestyle I truly believe in and have learned to live by, not because of who I am or what I have but because of who God says I am and what he has for me.

Recently one of my friends said that she loved how I celebrate myself. At first, I was offended; was she saying that I was a show-off?  In reality, she was actually talking about the way I live. I dance on tables; wear my best lingerie every day, pop open bottles of champagne at any and every opportunity, and love God through all of it - admittedly, sometimes better than others. It is not (just) because I’m fancy. It’s because God has shown me that despite the pain, life is full of opportunities to live an abundant, joyful life. It is a gift from God, and if we look hard enough there is always something to celebrate. So whatever situation you find yourself in, I hope that as I share some of the things God has taught and continues to teach me, these bruised and broken, sometimes completely bonkers accounts will encourage you to live that John 10:10, full and abundant life  He came to give. 

*I’ve called my ex-husband “Fish” in this book as it was my nickname for him in our early time together as a couple.