Heartbreak is LONG

There are (at least) a million other things I’d rather be doing with my time, but we are where we are.

First of all, I want to apologise for the longer than planned sabbatical from these essays. It’s true that on the surface I have appeared competent and displayed signs of BAU. It’s also true that in this time I have driven 100s of miles to and from between London and the Cotswolds for work, birthdays, parties and a sick family member. I have moved out of one apartment, into a temporary one and recently into a more permanent one. I have signed off magazines, sent off emails, attended a board meeting as a new trustee and sung into my phone camera in French with my favourite little five-year-old.

Coping is a thing we all have to do from time to time and it looks different for each one of us. The pain of relationship heartbreak is not something I have taken too seriously in the past. My divorce, yes, but even that… barely. Anything outside of that – at least in my own life – has not been given the attention or healing it probably deserved. And so it took a while for me to fully comprehend the enormity of the weight I have felt in the last few months as I sought – and continue – to untangle myself from what was perhaps an ill-advised relationship in the first place. But, as Nigerians say; ‘We move’. I am not here to wallow but to keep walking.

In the midst of the darkness we all go through at some time or other, it’s incredibly important to keep searching for the light. What gives you joy? What can you be grateful for?

When my storage facility sent me an email at 5pm on a Friday to say that the only lift in the building would be out of action for at least five days, I almost screamed. My lock, situated on the first floor, was full of heavy boxes and furniture and I needed to get it out on that Sunday. Added to that stress, I also had a time restraint on how long we had the hire van to transport my stuff to my new home.

After a few (a lot) of deep breaths, I held in my London energy and sent a very British reply asking the site manager what they planned to do in view of this inconvenience. While I waited for the response, I reminded myself of Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

I slept uneasy that night but tried not to overthink it. The next morning I had a response: they would get porters to empty out my locker for me and move it to one on the ground floor. I could have cried. On the Sunday, my brother and I emptied it out so easily without needing the lift and it took half the time it should have done. By the time my lovely friend arrived with the van, we were ready to load it with all my stuff sitting outside the lock.

Did I also say that it was also a warm sunny day so the drive to my new home along windy country roads was just beautiful with no traffic and the van was returned on time? It was. Did this change anything about my relationship situation? It didn’t, but focusing on the gratefulness I felt for this problem being solved so perfectly was the stress reliever I needed to take another step forward the following day.

‘Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it’s the still small voice at the end of the day that says: ‘I will try again tomorrow.’

Tola x