‘He loves me, He loves me not...’

Put down the daisies, that’s not how God works.

For many children involved in the celebration of Christmas, they’ve been kept in line all year by the promise of presents come December. Have you been good or naughty this year? That’s what will determine whether you’ll get a much coveted toy or something rubbish/nothing at all. What a loaded way to bargain children to good behaviour and yet, I get it! I don’t have children of my own but I’ve witnessed many meltdowns that I can’t say I wouldn’t have tried to alleviate with a reminder of the round bearded man in a red suit. 

I actually didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up so Santa was never part of my childhood. But somehow I seem to have developed an understanding that God works in the same way. Experiencing something sh*tty? Well maybe that’s because you didn’t pay your tithe this month/go to church last week/read your Bible this morning/say hello to your neighbour when you saw them last night. Good behaviour = Reward, Reward = Love. I remember when I was younger that if Mum was annoyed by me or something I had done, she’d simply ignore me. She’d ignore me greeting her in the morning (even though if I didn’t, there would be hell to pay…), she’d ignore anything I asked her and she wouldn’t acknowledge my presence in any way. It was horrible. And what it showed me is that my actions are directly connected to what I get in return. 

The game we played as children as we carelessly picked the petals off daisies was apparently inspired by the French: 

He loves me, he loves me not or She loves me, she loves me not (originally effeuiller la marguerite in French) is a game of French origin, in which one person seeks to determine whether the object of their affection returns that affection.

A person playing the game alternately speaks the phrases "He (or she) loves me," and "He loves me not," while picking one petal off a flower (usually an ox-eye daisy) for each phrase. The phrase they speak on picking off the last petal supposedly represents the truth between the object of their affection loving them or not.

Source: Wiki

In case you weren’t aware, God’s love is not determined by the outcome of this game.

Sometimes nice things happen to us and we’re like yaay! Because it means God is pleased with us so He’s repaying us for the good stuff we’ve done - woo hoo! And then if something bad happens, we might wrack our brains, trying to think of what we’ve done wrong to deserve this. Bad behaviour = Trouble. Trouble = No Love.

We live in a world which puts a lot of focus on getting out what you put in. And I’m not for one minute saying we should give up on working hard or that we should be lazy. But the relationship we have with God is not the same one we have with Father Christmas. God is not sitting up on a cloud in the sky watching to see if we toe the line and using that to determine our future. We live in a pretty broken and fallen world which means that unfortunately, sh*t stuff can happen to all of us. And seemingly good things happen to people who don’t appear to be doing anything right (which doesn’t seem at all fair!). I know the feeling, I’ve been there. I don’t know why my ex husband didn’t want to stick to our marriage vows after our daughter died or why I have been ill for most of this year when I’m one of the healthiest people I know, but I don’t think it’s because I was rude to someone on the tube or because I once crashed my friend’s car (true story). 

Love isn’t defined by unending bliss and prosperity and it is not a token offer on a reward system. The love God has for us is explained in the Bible like this:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

That’s it. The evidence of His love has already been shown. And that’s what we’re celebrating this Christmas. There is literally nothing else we can do to get God’s love. That should be freeing but for me, and I’m sure for others, it might seem out of sync with what we understand to be true. Years ago, a friend of mine had a brand called “Jesus Loves Me”, and I used to think it was a weird slogan. As Christians, shouldn’t we be walking around telling people that God loves them? But the thing is, how we live and behave comes from that place of knowing we are loved - or not. So as weird as it may sound, reminding yourself that Jesus loves you is probably the best thing you can do for yourself today and every day. And that’s true whether you get the present you wanted this year, or not.

Doll x