‘Don’t talk to me about procrastination, I am queen of the thing’

On that one time I was preparing my TEDx talk and ended up fostering a cat...

When I first heard about ‘writer’s block’, it was incredibly reassuring. No longer was I responsible for the hours - or even days - sat in front of my blank screen as inspiration refused to come forth. Writer’s block is helpfully described by wiki as: a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author is unable to produce new work or experiences a creative slowdown. This creative stall is not a result of commitment problems or the lack of writing skills. The condition ranges from difficulty in coming up with original ideas to being unable to produce a work for years. Writer's block is not solely measured by time passing without writing. It is measured by time passing without productivity in the task at hand.

“Time passing without productivity in the task at hand”...now doesn’t that sound familiar. Of course if you do anything repeatedly for an extended period of time, you tend to get faster or at least more efficient at it. For example, I’ve been working in magazine journalism for years and I can bash out an article pretty quickly if necessary. However, I am also pretty good at prolonging it. I’ve taken a record three weeks to write up an interview and the parts of my job I don’t particularly enjoy - like writing up reports - will undoubtedly take a back seat to the fun aspects such as planning photo shoots or finding gifts for new subscribers. Some people see this delaying tactic as part of the process of doing the thing you’re actually supposed to be doing. There is a thinking that without them, you can’t focus on the matter at hand. One of my friends recently spent a whole day deep cleaning her (already tidy) home office before she sat down to work on a rather large and complicated project. But I beat that (oh hello competitive one!) because one time my delaying tactic was getting a cat.

Disclaimer: I realise that there will be wonderful animal lovers on here who might think this sounds cruel but I will say from the outset that I took good care of my little one while she was with me and her adopters reported that she was happy and content. (This is in stark contrast to the way she was when she came to me as a rescue.)

Four months before I was picked to deliver a TEDx Talk, I had quit my long-term, stable office job to go freelance and focus on writing my first book. I was unnerved by all the free time I suddenly had and successfully avoided thinking about how I was going to pay my bills (I’m so good at this delaying tactic stuff) by watching re-runs of The Office (US) and Sex And The City. I fancied myself as a kind of Carrie Bradshaw, a fashion loving writer with a penchant for champagne cocktails and an uncanny ability to turn book royalties into Balenciaga. So when I got the email inviting me to speak, of course my immediate focus was, what on earth was I going to wear? A quick calculation of total cost of the pile of clothes in my Net-A-Porter wish list showed me that probably wasn’t going to be an option so as I tossed that to one side I finally tried to focus on what I was actually going to say. 

I began by looking up other TED talks to find inspiration…and I somehow ended up on YouTube watching first-time pet owners talk about their experience, crying as they declared how much it had completely changed their lives. I was single at the time so there was no s_x in the city taking up any of my time and I figured what was really missing from my life was a beloved pet. Yes! Who needs a man who, as SATC taught me, probably won’t call anyway, when you can have a wonderful bundle of joy in your life who will never leave you nor forsake you*? And pets were great for inspiration, everyone knew that! A companion to be by my side when hard at work at my desk and to curl up on my lap while I read research papers to facilitate the writing of my first book. This was on a Friday. I was due to deliver my talk the following Thursday. My very necessary cat search began in earnest. 

By Sunday I had found my cat! On Monday I borrowed a pet carrier from my neighbour and went to go pick her up. On Tuesday I took her to the vet to get registered and checked over. On Wednesday I opened my laptop and the file marked “TEDx Talk” was still blank. With Nala gingerly making her way over, under and across furniture around me with a perfected air of disdain I realised that she was not going to be the inspiration I needed to get this thing done and I had unwittingly taken procrastination to a ridiculous level. Thankfully, panic mode kicked in and I managed to write and rehearse my talk in time to deliver on the Friday but WHAT A STRESS! I was determined never to do that again. Procrastination, get thee behind me (along with Satan and his cronies)! And yet.…

I wish there was a good moral edge to this story with a “what I’ve learned and what I now dp differently” lesson involved. But alas, here I am, six hours before this piece has to go out, writing today’s work. I would argue that I have a good excuse this week and those of you who know me might concur; life has been busy. But I also know that this busy period was not, unlike The Pandemic and any kind of weather in the UK, unprecedented, and so I could have prepared in advance. But where’s the fun in that?! No, for today’s delaying tactics are tomorrow’s mad rush to the finish line. And isn’t that last sprint the most exhilarating? You’re welcome.

Doll x

*The only being this describes is Jesus by the way, so no matter how sweet or delightful, don’t expect your pet to never go off on one if you step over the line/move their litter tray/refuse to let them on the sofa. (Deuteronomy 31:6)