'Are you worried about keeping up with the Kardashians this Christmas?'
As always, the temptation to compete is rife this season. Avoid it if you can.
Okay so I want to talk about jealousy. I know, I know. It’s almost Christmas and that’s not sexy. Well, tough, you signed up for these essays, so you’ll just have to suck it up.
The thing about jealousy is, it can be quite subtle and might not show up as blatantly as some of your other emotions. Here are two definitions proffered by two of the most reliable internet sources:
Jealousy according to the Cambridge Dictionary: A feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want.
Jealousy according to Wiki: Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety.
The former represents that more obvious sense of jealousy and the examples that follow speak to some rather damning behaviour that I daresay most of us would actively avoid:
· He broke his brother's new bike in a fit of jealousy.
· She was consumed by/eaten up with jealousy (= she was very jealous) when she heard that he had been given a promotion.
· The team has performed very badly this season due to petty jealousies (= feelings of jealousy about unimportant things) among the players.
Compare: envy verb
Yikes.
At this time of year there’s a lot of pressure to make a show pony out of everything visible in your life
In comparison, Wiki, the online dictionary for Millennials and under, the definition is softer, it refers to jealousy simply as a feeling. Harmless, really. Another word for jealousy is ‘covet’ and in the Old Language of the Christian Bible, it’s used quite crucially in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20:17:
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
Okay so here it looks like we’re still just talking about a feeling. But get a bit further in this ancient text and read a section about wisdom:
“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
Practice. And here is where I finally get to my point. The danger of jealousy is that it can (often) lead to a physical manifestation of that jealousy. At this time of year there’s a lot of pressure to make a show pony out of everything visible in your life. That’s your tree, your front door, your kids, your house, your Christmas dinner, your presents and of course, yourself. And that can come with a high cost for the most decent individual and for those with more pressing needs or less moral compass, theft and opportunistic deceit. (If you’re interested, you can look up something called the 12 Scams of Christmas to really reinforce the reason for the season…)
As I write this, I can see the decadent Christmas lights on my neighbour’s balcony and feeling just lightly bothered that my own now looks rather stark by comparison.
I am concerned by the way we are manipulated by brands and marketing to a perfect family Christmas
In Jan 2023 the UK had an estimated total post-Christmas balance of £9.8 billion (credit-connect.co.uk) and by the end of last year, debt charity Stepchange reported: “One in twelve (8%), around 4m people, will be relying on credit to cover costs this Christmas. One in four (27%) say they will have to cut back on their normal expenses to afford Christmas. A further 2%, around 1m people, say they will not celebrate Christmas at all due to cost.”
Why do we not learn? I’m quite lucky, I suppose, in that I don’t have family or children to buy presents for. I didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas so it’s still a world of wonder to me and I got myself an advent calendar and a huge vintage bauble for my dinner table in lieu of a tree. No one is expecting the latest anything from me, so I abide happily without those pressures. But while I personally love the festive lights, smells and food, I am concerned by the way we are manipulated by brands and marketing to a perfect family Christmas – whatever that is.
So that’s it; that’s what I was getting at when I started this essay on the topic of jealousy. And marketing moguls know just where to hit us most – the comparison thief. I’m keen to know though, are any of you doing Christmas differently? Hitting back against the insane consumerism or just happily living your life indifferent to the temptation to step it up, during this supposed season of joy?
Tola x
I’m the editor and creative director at Premier Woman Alive and co-host of the YouTube show Sisterhood. In 2019, I delivered a TEDx Talk on Debunking the Myth of Success and my first book, 'Still Standing:100 Lessons From An 'Unsuccessful' Life' is out now.