‘Are those your divorce boots?’
On how shoes have helped me weather the many seasons in my life
I’m told I look like I have my sh*t together which, knowing me, I find amusing. But I think it's largely because of the way I dress. When I was younger I realised the effect clothes had not just on the way I felt but also the way I then presented myself to the outside world. I learned that people responded well to me when I dressed well and so I leaned into that as soon as I could afford to.
It was with my aunt in her Chelsea London pad that I first discovered high heels. I was about 10 or 11 and up until then existed pretty much in trainers, school uniform and sports bras. I was a tall, lean kid with big boobs growing up in the era of heroin chic so nothing fit properly. Tops and dresses were made for flat chested skinny girls and my long legs looked ridiculous poking out under otherwise tightly fitted skinny flares. Even then I loved clothes but nothing looked as good on me as it did on the models. So I retreated to the safety of sportswear which demanded nothing other than functionality. My memory of my aunt mostly involves sitting in the car with her driver outside Harrods for hours while she presumably bought most of each new collection. My siblings and I would make up games to play while we waited but I remember wondering about the dark green glossy bags that were tossed into the car when she returned, with her signature lingering scent wafting over us as she was ushered into the heated leather interior. One day as I watched her unpack her bags, she looked over at me and said, ‘Why do you always wear trainers? They’ll give you flat feet.’ I was ten, I didn’t know what flat feet were but the look of disgust on her face told me I didn’t want them. I wanted to be cool and elegant like her! I wanted to waft in and out of rooms almost silently except for the light jangling of her pure gold accessories. And so my obsession began.
One of my best friends started working at the shoe store Faith when we were about 16. She got a ridiculous discount and all our friends took advantage of it. She preferred strappy sandals but for some reason pointed stilettos became part of my personal brand. I got them in every colour possible and, in my university years I actually bought the same shoe in two different colours and wore one on each foot. I also ripped up the bottom of my jeans in an asymmetric pattern (much to mum’s disgust) and let them trail on the floor while the top barely hung on to my often exposed midriff. I once went to a training conference in a cream corduroy suit and patchwork stilettos. I was on my feet for 10 hours before getting the tube home by which time I could barely walk. But I felt incredible! And I’d had so many compliments and appreciative looks, I decided it was definitely worth it.
In the years since, I’ve often used clothes as a bit of a buffer. If I’m not feeling particularly confident about an event I’m going to, I will overdress. And I don’t mean I am more formal, I mean I kill it. I make myself incontestable and the alpha energy works its way from the outside, in. This is also something I did for my ski season. I had only skied once before and yet here I was, aged 30, throwing myself into six months of hard graft and snow shovelling with 18 year olds who had been toddlers in ski school. So I put my journalism skills to use and I did the research. I learned what brands were cool but not too cool and how to layer for the slopes and yet still be comfortable for apres ski. When I arrived at the chalet I realised I had dressed for Courchevel. Which might mean nothing to you if you’re not interested in this wildly dangerous sport but you’ll recognise the reference if you do. Being dressed correctly was not necessarily (just) about being seen to look the part, it also helped me feel as though I fit in from the off. And in this case, my transition from novice skier to seasonnaire was made slightly easier.
When a relatively new acquaintance asked me about my boots earlier, I laughed because I had forgotten the reference. Today I was in silver Balenciaga. They shone in the sun and caused many heads to turn. I wore them to work because I was fed up with wearing my ski thermals (from the aforementioned ski season) and Vivo Barefoot trainers. I wanted to feel feminine and powerful again in equal measure and they did that for me. But my divorce boots are much more of a statement: soft leather over the knee Roberto Cavalli in leopard print hide. They were the satisfyingly expensive purchase I made once the divorce was finalised. I thought the divorce would break me but the boots stopped me being able to hide. The heel is five inches high; you can’t fade into any kind of background wearing them.
It’s been a long time now, since the divorce and I no longer think of them as my “divorce boots”. They served their purpose in the years since that season and they are now simply a beautiful memory of when I had that much disposable income. But I have bought myself a pair of shoes for my birthday every year since then and each time I notice how differently I choose depending on what is happening at the time. In 2020 I had my first book published, it was a “hot girl summer” and I was planning an amazing trip away with friends. I bought bright blue suede mules from Gianvito Rossi. They scream class with a side of s_xy. A few years before that I bought black and pink cowboy boots from Mexico. Paired with my many short flared dresses, they were the cool girl I felt when I moved into my first apartment by myself. I wanted to wow but in an understated way, of course because I was living in a hipster part of London.
I’m in yet another season of my life now - when is life ever still? - and at this point I don’t know whether I’ll be in Golden Goose or Russell & Bromley when my birthday comes around later this year. But whatever I choose, I know it will help me tell a story and I’m looking forward to finding out what that is.
Doll x
Literally ! Faith boots !!! I have a pair on right now 🙌🏽
Tola, I always get a kick out of the clothes you wear - so much style, personality, and so very vibrant! You're able to pull off some outlandish outfits with marvellous aplomb! Bloody love it. Keep on rocking your new shoes - and always always... post pics! :)